amandanoname

I’m dying to quit you
I’m dying because I cannot…
I don’t know the right words to say or steps to take to remove you from my life. You, my disgustingly sweet little toxin, are a dangerous little safety net in my life…like I’m gratefully caught in the web of a starved spider that’s been getting by on what little nutrients it could leech from small mites and fleas for months. And I just can’t help but enjoy watching you savor your meal.

All the stupid metaphors in the world could not help me explain us. Because I don’t know what their is to explain. Blah blah blah deepest love yadda yadda yadda too much in the way…its all bullshit. We are both fucked up and twisted. You love me, I love you a little stronger and a little deeper. Youre too afraid too let me go and I’m too afraid to leave. You don’t want me to stay, but you always ask me to come. I always do. We are both just steps away from losing touch with reality and its comforting to hold each other’s hands while we dance around the thin veil that separates it from the dark insanity we’ve created on the other side. The problem is we tend to sway to one side and yank the one another with us. “remember the comfort and beauty in the voices that are calling to you, let’s go for a listen”

We talk. We laugh. We hug. We fuck. We sleep in each others arms. We keep it up for a few days maybe a few weeks. Someone hits reset. We don’t talk for a few days. Sometimes we fight. We see each other and start back at the beginning. I’m exhausted. I’m bored. I’m lost. I wish you would just hate me. I wish instead of caring so much yet not enough…you didn’t care at all. I wish you didn’t want me still. I wish I didn’t want you most of all. But I do. With every weak, pathetic inch of my being I want you.